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Lemieux vs. Le Pew
BY MICHAEL DOJC

One’s a hockey comeback player looking to score; the other’s a cocky stripe-backed playa looking for amour. But who’s really got more game?

Lemieux Le Pew
 
WHAT’S IN A NAME?
French for “the best” French for “the uncomfortable church seat”
Edge: Lemieux
 
SHAMEFUL ROOTS
From Quebec From France
Edge: Draw
 
DISABILITIES
Herniated disc, broken hand, debilitating back injury, cancer Horrible stench
Edge: Lemieux
 
FAST START
Debuted October 11, 1984; scored on first NHL shot 78 seconds into the game Debuted January 6, 1945; has yet to score
Edge: Lemieux
 
PET PEEVE
Too much clutching, grabbing, and hooking Not enough clutching, grabbing, and hooking
Edge: Le Pew
 
FATAL FLAW
Plays D like an arthritic grandmother with no skates Can’t tell a skunk from a painted cat
Edge: Le Pew
 
LAYOFF TIME
Out for 3 1/2 years before returning this season Hasn’t starred in his own cartoon since 1962
Edge: Lemieux
 
PROTÉGÉ
Czech sniper Jaromir Jagr Tiny Toon Fifi La Fume
Edge: Lemieux
 
PLACE IN HISTORY
Best player ever after Howe, Gretzky, Orr Best cartoon ever after Bugs, Daffy, Porky, Speedy, Sylvester, Marvin, Donald, Mickey, Fievel…
Edge: Lemieux
 
AND THE WINNER IS
By a score of 6–2, the Penguin ices the skunk. Ah, the sweet smell of success.

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